* H E A L T H * : How to love your body (when you don’t love your body)

It doesn’t matter what size you are. There will always be something you feel self-conscious about. I am a fairly petite girl with small bone structure, so my arms and legs stay thin. Some may call me skinny and would roll their eyes when I complain about not being satisfied with how I looked—even uncomfortable with how I looked. I disliked that they told me I couldn’t feel a certain way because I looked a certain way. I know the comments were coming from a good place, and that they thought I had a nice figure. But it didn’t help the fact that I still felt the same way I did. There were mornings I would spend standing naked in front of the mirror feeling intensely bad about my body. I would pinch the belly fat around my torso, see the lack of curves, notice how my waist was as big as my hips and cringe at the little stretch marks no one else could see. See, I used to be extremely lean, the type where only flesh stretched over spine, boney elbows, and brittle-looking wrists. No matter how much I ate or how much fat I consumed, I could not, for the life of me, gain enough weight. If I told people I was trying to eat more because I could use a few pounds, they would retort that I was being cocky and self-absorbed. Then years later, when I was more athletic and actually liked where my body was at, I became afraid to say “I am beautiful” out loud because I knew I would receive backlash for being so-called egotistical for showing some self-appreciation.

Body dysmorphia is a very real thing that affects people regularly. The distortion in our reflection causes so much anxiety that it elevates everyday stress. But what helped me take steps to loving myself at the times when I really didn’t was by doing a couple of things differently.

Keep yourself healthy by eating properly and exercising regularly.

You can’t control your genes. You may be born bigger or smaller, bulkier or curvier or stick-straight. But you can show your body some love by getting the basics of a healthy habit down, starting with eating a balanced diet, keeping track (but not obsessively) of when you are eating and how much, as well as routinely staying active and working your muscles out.

Wear the right clothes that flatter your shape rather than your idealized body type.

You might want to wear clothes that a model you see in a magazine wears. But when you try it on, you feel that the clothes are wearing you and it feels wrong. This is perfectly normal. It takes trial and error to really understand what types of clothes fit your body. Take the time to pick out outfits that make you look good for how you look now, rather than what you are trying to look like.

Look in the mirror and for every one thing you criticize yourself for, point out one extra positive thing about yourself physically.

This may sound totally tacky but it works. The saying goes, we are our own greatest critics. It’s like critiquing a piece of art. One good thing, followed by one thing you could improve on. While you may begin with a pessimistic view on your body, you might struggle at first to find things to say. But force yourself to look closely. I stood there and I told myself I hated my muffin top. Then I said I love the shape of my eyes. I disliked how lanky my arms looked. I love the proportion of my legs. Now you try it.

Find and read inspiring articles on the media that you identify with.

The media can be a black hole. It can offer a very constrained perspective of what beauty is. Nowadays, social pressures are a lot better than before. Speakers who share their story of body image distortions and how they overcame it, who help you find the positive force in mind over matter.

Only keep a partner who loves you for who you are.

Your other half should be a good influence in your life. If they truly love you, they will not tell you to change how your body looks, as long as you are healthy and well. They will like your little flaws. They will let you let them in your problems and help you solve them. It goes without saying that they should love you for you and not solely on your physical appearance (though many people do not realize this, especially when they are young).

Allow negative thoughts to flow outward to clear way for new, motivational and positive thoughts.

You need to let go of the dark cloud brooding and looming over you. Sometimes meditating, journaling or blogging can help with this. Word vomit is real and it feels great to uncap the bottle, uncork, unscrew, and unwind. Eventually it’ll become easier.

Because in the end, you are the only one stopping yourself. Before jumping straight to the no, tell yourself “Yes, there is a possibility. I can change my attitude. I may not love my body now, but I can, I will, and one day I will safely say I love how I look and mean it.”